Tomorrow I Will Forget Him

Alex walked in as I finished my diary entry: He wants pork chops. Remember to buy some tomorrow. At the door, he knelt to place slippers at his lab assistant Vivian's feet. They nodded at me, passing by to discuss data I couldn't follow. Feeling like a stranger in my own home, I retreated to the kitchen, slicing fruit. When I returned, Vivian was flipping through my journal. "Isla, I had no idea you were such a devoted housewife. You actually kept a daily journal just for Alex." Mock pity dripped from her tone as she ripped it in half. "Let me help you find your independence."
Panic seized me. I lunged, but Alex shoved between us, batting my hands away. "What is wrong with you? It is just a stupid notebook!" He scoffed. "Vivian is right. Why waste time on useless garbage?" Vivian giggled. "It says here you actually sobbed and begged a doctor when she got sick." Alex's face flushed crimson. "Why record every private detail? Scribbling nonsense all day, no wonder you haven't found a job!" Terrified she'd dig up more, he snatched the remaining half, tore it to shreds, and tossed it in the trash.
I watched him usher her out, tears streaming. He had no idea. Without that journal, by tomorrow, I would completely forget who he was.

1
I do not know when the illness began. At first, it was just a random morning. I woke up, looked at Alex heating up a mug of milk, and asked in confusion, "Alex, aren't we going to that popular brunch spot we booked weeks ago? Why are you making breakfast?"
Alex paused and glanced at me, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Isla, are you still half-asleep? We went to that bistro yesterday. You complained that the eggs were overcooked and swore you would never go back."
It was only when he saw the sheer blankness in my eyes that panic set in. He wrapped a coat around my shoulders and dragged me straight to the emergency room.
When the doctor asked questions and realized my entire memory of the previous day was completely gone, Alex lost his mind. Terrified that I was dying of some incurable disease, he grabbed the doctor's hand, tears spilling over. "Please, doctor, you have to save her. I will give my own life if I have to!"
But after a battery of scans and blood tests, the hospital found absolutely nothing. They eventually chalked it up to stress, calling it a case of temporary, psychogenic amnesia.
Alex was terrified. For a week, he refused to leave my side, taking a leave of absence from his university lab just to monitor me. It was only after seven incident-free days that I finally managed to coax him back to his research.
But the peace didn't last. Shortly after he returned to school, the strange fog rolled back into my brain. This time, a whole week of my life was completely erased.
I could not bring myself to tell him. Instead, I went back to the clinic alone. Again, the tests came up clear. Dr. Bennett was baffled, only able to prescribe some mild sedatives and advise regular checkups.
Back at the apartment, I stared at the front door, paralyzed. I knew Alex. If he found out I was getting worse, he would drop his thesis and spend every waking hour hovering over me.
But I could not let my broken mind derail his dreams. I could not let my fading memories ruin his future. To protect him and save myself, I started keeping a journal. Starting from the day we met, I meticulously transcribed every detail of our life together, anchoring my soul to those pages.
But my condition only accelerated. At first, the gaps were small and random. Then, the blackouts became more frequent, swallowing larger chunks of my past.
Eventually, I woke up one morning to find my mind frozen at eighteen, before I had ever met Alex. It was only through that battered journal that I was able to piece myself back together.
Job hunting became impossible. I claimed I was freelancing, hiding in the safety of our apartment, caught in an endless loop of forgetting and relearning my own life.
I tried to reason with myself. Our fight was just a misunderstanding. Alex didn't know about my disease, so he thought I was just acting crazy. Once I told him the truth, he would understand why the journal mattered, and we would make up.
I ran out of the bedroom, catching him at the front door. He was holding their coats, murmuring gentle reassurances to Vivian. Seeing them about to leave, I called out, "Wait! Alex, please, I need to tell you something. I kept that journal because... because I am sick."

2
Hearing my words, Alex froze. When he turned back to look at me, his eyes were instantly flooded with worry. "Isla, when did you get sick? Why didn't you tell me? Is it serious? What did the doctor say?"
Seeing his panic, a small weight lifted from my chest. I knew it. He had only snapped because his pride was wounded in front of his junior colleague.
But before I could speak, Vivian rolled her eyes, her sigh dripping with irritation. "Isla, please don't tell me you are going to claim you have depression. I stopped using that excuse back in high school. True clinical depression is agonizing. People fight for their lives every day against their own minds. They don't just use it as a convenient excuse whenever things don't go their way."
Hearing her words, Alex's expression hardened again. He scanned me from head to toe, his brow furrowing. "Isla, if you are actually sick, show me your medical records. I will go to the clinic with you."
But there were no medical records. The doctors couldn't find a cause, so they had never given me an official diagnosis. Seeing me freeze, Alex assumed Vivian had caught me in a lie. Anger flared in his eyes.
"Isla, you are seriously fabricating an illness just to make me feel guilty? You sit at home all day doing absolutely nothing, how could you possibly be depressed? I only told you to get a job so you would stop wasting your life, and this is how you manipulate me?"
"No, Alex, listen to me..." I reached out, desperate to explain. But his mind was made up. He saw me as a liar playing the victim. Casting one last disappointed look at me, he opened the door and walked out with Vivian.
I stood there staring at the closed door, my legs trembling. Finally, I dragged myself back to the bedroom and fell to my knees by the trash can, picking out the shredded scraps of my journal. I smoothed them out, trying to piece the puzzle of my life back together, but many fragments were torn too finely to salvage.
Clutching the salvaged pages, I sat on the living room sofa to wait. I knew he would come home. No matter how vicious our arguments had been over the years, he never stayed out overnight because he knew I would worry. Once he returned and we were alone, he would listen to me.
It was past midnight when the key finally turned in the lock. Alex walked in, exhaustion written across his face. He didn't even glance at me sitting on the sofa, walking straight toward the guest bedroom. I sprang up and grabbed his wrist. "Alex, please. I wasn't lying. I am really sick."
He paused, but when he realized I was still clinging to the same excuse instead of apologizing, his frustration boiled over. He whipped around to glare at me. "Fine, Isla. You want to play this game? Tomorrow we are going to the hospital, and we will let the doctors run every test until we find out exactly what is wrong with you!" He violently shook off my grip. "I am exhausted. I am going to bed."
Panic surged through me as I watched him walk away. Tomorrow would be too late. But Alex had already shut the door of the guest room, and a sharp click told me he had locked it from the inside to keep me out.
I knew I should let him rest. He was tired, and arguing would solve nothing. But I had no time. The remaining scraps of my journal weren't enough. Without them, I wouldn't be able to piece together the twenty-four-year-old woman who loved Alex.
The realization that I might wake up tomorrow with no memory of him brought a sharp, physical pain to my chest. Clutching my heart, I slumped against the locked door, tears blurring my vision. "Alex, please, just talk to me. I know you are angry, but I swear I am not lying to you."
Silence greeted me from the other side. No shouts, no complaints, just a heavy, suffocating quietness that seemed to press down on my shoulders. I sobbed silently, the tears choking my throat.
Finally, the door swung open. But Alex's face held no warmth, only a cold irritation that made him look like a total stranger. "Isla, when is this going to end? I have told you a thousand times that I am tired. I have to be in the lab early tomorrow. Can't you show a single shred of consideration for my work? Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow!" He practically roared the last sentence in my face.
I stared at the man standing before me, my heart aching. This wasn't the Alex from my journal. The man I knew would never treat me with such hostility. Recalling how he had shielded Vivian earlier, the question slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. "Alex, do you still love me?"

3
Alex's brow furrowed so deeply a vein began to throb at his temple. "If I didn't love you, would I still be standing here listening to this nonsense? Would I tolerate you humiliating me in front of my colleague? I don't get you, Isla. When did you become so exhausting?"
His cold, critical gaze forced me back a step. Exhausting? He blamed me for changing, but what about him?
"Alex, you once promised that you would always believe me, no matter what. Was that a lie? Did you forget the vow you made three years ago when we almost broke up? You swore we would always sit down, listen to each other, and never let misunderstandings tear us apart."
He had even recorded those words on his phone, calling it the foundation of our relationship. I clung to those memories from my journal, but Alex merely scoffed. "Isla, you kept me awake just to bring up some ancient history? I have been working seventy hours a week at the lab. I deleted those useless files ages ago."
I looked up, meeting his impatient eyes, and a shudder ran through my body. Useless. Our promises were useless to him now. What was the point of me clinging to these memories, reviewing them night after night like a desperate student?
"Then what actually matters to you, Alex? If our promises don't matter, does Vivian?"
Alex answered without a second thought. "Vivian is brilliant, hard-working, and ambitious. Look at yourself, Isla. You sit around all day doing nothing. How can you even compare yourself to her?"
The moment the words left his mouth, a flash of regret crossed his eyes. Seeing me stand there in silence, he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Isla, I didn't mean to snap. I am just under a lot of pressure at the lab. If you are done, go to bed."
Without waiting for a response, he quietly closed the door. His muffled voice came through the thick wood. "Goodnight, Isla. We will talk tomorrow."
I turned away, my vision blurring. Alex, there is no tomorrow for us.
Clutching the half-assembled journal, a bitter doubt took root in my mind. Was this diary just a collection of lies I told myself? Was his love for me merely a delusion I had fabricated? Why did the real Alex feel so entirely different from the man in these pages?
On my way to the bedroom, I noticed a sticky note affixed to the refrigerator door. Vivian often skips breakfast and gets dizzy. Remember to bring her some food. I stared at it.
My journal used to contain notes just like that, written in his precise handwriting, but every single one of them had been addressed to Isla. Alex had deleted our voice recordings, discarded our history, and now, even his sweet gestures belonged to someone else.
I no longer had a place in his life. Maybe it was time to stop lying to myself with this journal.
I took the reconstructed journal back to my desk, ripped it into tiny shreds, and tossed them back into the wastebasket. If Alex no longer loved me, then I had no reason to force myself to become the twenty-four-year-old woman who adored him.
I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, letting sleep pull me under. I stood back and let the memories drift away, watching the image of Alex fade until he vanished entirely from my life.
When the morning sun filtered through my eyelids, I stirred awake. My hand instinctively reached toward the nightstand, feeling as if something important should be there, but finding only empty wood. Shaking off the brief moment of confusion, I stretched, threw open my bedroom door, and called out, "Mom! Dad! What is for breakfast?"
But there was only a strange man sitting on the living room sofa. At the sound of my voice, his expression darkened. "Isla, are you seriously acting like a child? We had a small fight, and now you are calling your parents?"
Terror seized me. I took several steps back toward my bedroom, screaming at the top of my lungs. "Who are you? What are you doing in my apartment?"